Dream come true time

How do you spell true love? F-a-u-x S-a-p-p-h-i-r-e H-a-r-l-e-y D-a-v-i-d-s-o-n R-i-n-g. Your refined taste and thirst for sheer elegance has lead you to this princess cut beauty; It's sure to have her in tears and proclaiming "yes, yes, YES, I'll marry you!" when your proposal question appears on the jumbo-tron at the monster truck rally. Think of how proud she'll be showing off her ring to her friends an co-workers at the Walgreen's Pharmacy and Photolab.

Something to do on a Friday night...

Looking for something to do on a Friday night?  Why don't you get in your Escort and drive down to the local tavern.  Ask them to fill this baby up with Heavy and you've got an instant conversation piece!  Ask them to fill it up again and all of a sudden the men in the bar have a new respect for you!  Fill it up again and the ladies are instantly dazzled by the shined pewter top.  Fill it up one more time and look, you actually have friends!  One more time and miraculously you are more attractive!  You're on a roll...fill it up again and your troubles will fly away!  It's a miracle tankard!  By the end of the evening, you'll have a girlfriend, ripped abs, a great job, health insurance and a fancy schmancy DUI...which is all the rage in Hollywood.  Have fun!

Jesus

Bruce: You've been working hard
Jesus: I don't know about this...
Bruce: There there, don't be shy. No one has to find out.
Jesus: But my father-
Bruce: What your father doesn't know won't hurt him.
Jesus: But he's everywhere
Bruce: I don't see him here, do you? It's just you, me, this steamy bath and those achy muscles.
Jesus: *look of apprehension*
Bruce: Shhhhh...let ol' Brucey take care of you

If you claim to be a scrabble efficianato, you'd better have this gem set up next to a roaring fire or you're going to look like a real sucker when your friends come over for the big Scrabble/Matlock night this Friday.

For a measley $595 this treasure can be yours, no more of that bullshit with the stupid bag that holds the letters, no sir. That regular Scrabble board is ridiculous, let's face it, it's time to grow up and put your money into something worthwhile and this is it.

OH! My letters spell "unnecessary"; triple word score!

Pearl Necklace

According to the Franklin Mint, these faux pearls were made from a mold taken of Jackie O's actual pearl necklace given to her by one time assassinee, John F. Kennedy. He loved giving pearl necklaces to all the ladies back in the day.

 Look at  Jackie O laying down and dreamily looking off wishing she were somewhere else, just like she was when JFK gave her her first pearl necklace.

You'll be a hit on the grassy knoll with this beauty, which will go perfectly with your Bernese Mountain Dog sweatshirt I'm sure you'll be wearing.

There are no foreclosures in Monopoly!

As you sit in your home, the eviction notice on your door and surrounded by late bills and foreclosure notices…what better way to escape from reality but by being a real estate mogul in Monopoly?  Boardwalk will never be foreclosed on and the shiny toy car playing piece will distract you from the cockroaches crawling over your feet.  Just imagine yourself moving into one of the little green houses lined up in a row rather than your inevitable future of living in the YMCA (little green cots lined up in a row don’t have the same nostalgic appeal).  Thankfully, Franklin Mint created just the outlet for the downtrodden.  This classic Monopoly set sells for $450 and you can list it as an asset when you get kicked out and your personal belongings get confiscated by the bank. 

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